The Outlier Indian

I am an Indian politician. I wear white.

Who am I? What do I do? Why am I invincible? Where do I come from? What are my views on governance (where did that come from)?

So silly of Indians that they still do not identify me even after decades of abuse at my hands and they keep putting their government in my hands, not that they have any other choice. Oh, they just cannot get enough of me or to put it mildly, they deserve me.

Fine, I will tell you a bit about myself. Do not tell me that you were not forewarned when I come to cheat you in the next elections. I wear white, remember me.

Appearance:

I wear white. White is a colour associated with purity and peace, I cannot have anything to do with these two things in my life and my deeds, the least of all I can do to put up pretence is that I wear white. It also helps me in easy identification for myself and my breed, as no other vocation in India has white clothing as a uniform 24*7, 365 days a year. Hindu tradition prefers white clothing while attending a cremation, now you know why I like wearing white.

Irrespective of my age, my hair shall always be black. If I am young enough and the first-generation politician, I will be unshaven for the rough and tough look and if I am a second generation politician (I would have studied in some fancy colleges of western countries without actually passing), I will be clean shaven for the refined look. If my beard gets more white hair than black, I will get clean shaven and if I choose to have a moustache, that will be also coloured black. In short, clothes will be white and body hair has to be black. I like to be associated with youth, after all, India has the largest young population in the world and I am their leader, even though I might be on the wrong side of my own age.

India is a secular country. So, to respect all religions, I will have their presence all over my body. I shall wear different coloured rings on my fingers, sacred threads on my wrists, black pendants on my arms (which gets hidden though). This also helps me to promote scientific temperament in the electorate.

India is a poor country. To motivate my people so that they can aspire to my position and strive to come out of poverty, I shall wear gold plated chains and rings (if I become a politician of national stature, I will cancel this from the to-do list; I need to look a bit more sober for the national scene).

India is a country of the malnourished, at least for the people who elect me. Hence, I shall be over-weight to set an example for the rest of the world that I am working hard for the betterment of the health of my people. I shall stuff myself with all the food that my people cannot even dream of. I know that I have to make some sacrifices for my own health by being over-weight unless I am a second generation politician who does not get this point.

 I shall always have an evil glint in my eyes. See, I am honest at times.

I shall be looking down from the hoardings, election pamphlets, the facebook page with my hands folded, a smile with photoshopped face and teeth and all of the above so that people can see me from miles of how big a con artist I am. After all, I wear white.

This is all about my looks, for my deeds and thoughts, check the part II of the blog.

Please feel free to add if I have forgotten anything about my own appearance.